Well, hello there. It has been awhile, blog friend.

Honestly, I stopped writing for a period out of fear of sounding quite whiny. No one wants to read whiny, and I don’t want to write whiny. Through the holidays, whiny was really all I had in me. I made it though – first Christmas, first Valentine’s Day (and screw that holiday anyways, amirite?).

I do have some fun updates, and a story or two to share as well. Let’s get to it:

Traveled some.

Chopped my hair off.

Got a sports car.

Midlife crisis, accomplished.

Got promoted at work.

I think that covers most of the big milestones…

Oh – silly me.

I also got very quickly reminded as to why I am convinced I will never date again. Buckle up folks.

One of my favorite haunts in Austin has been a board game bar. It is the perfect atmosphere for someone who is socially awkward but still likes to be social with friends. After a few rounds of showing up early, it was clear that one of the bartenders appeared to be interested in me. He was nice and we had conversations, so when he challenged me to a race in my new car, I took him up on the offer and exchanged numbers. Granted, he never made good on the race, but instead invited me out to karaoke with some of the staff the next night. It went well. We hung out, talked, got to know each other – everything from likes and dislikes to the things we believed and wanted out of life. I was clear from the beginning about my recent rocky past. I wasn’t looking to date anyone. A relationship was not something in my near future. He was very understanding of all of this…I thought.

Then, when we were out one night grabbing drink, he went off about how screwed up my faith was…for 30 minutes. I tried to talk to him about his assertions, but there was no chance of me getting a word in. Then, get this, he followed that up with “I just feel so connected to you. No one has ever made me feel this way.”

Uh, whoa there homeboy. Pump the brakes. You’ve missed two major points here, so let me reiterate.

1. Christian. Made that one clear. I get it, we get a bad rap and people do it real bad sometimes, but maybe don’t tear down my entire belief system without having any interest in it being a productive conversation where I can explain myself.
2. Not ready for a relationship.

I spent about an hour crafting a text that would explain things and let him down easily. I had friends proofread. They edited it to be more direct, and then I softened it up because that’s just who I am and apparently I should have listened to them the first time. Hindsight, y’all. TLDR – I told him nicely that I really enjoyed his company, but I felt like he was looking for something more serious and that we had too many foundational differences for something serious to be a possibility.

He responded with “ok”.

Cool. Cool cool cool.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. He comes back and says he misses hanging out, and that we had a miscommunication because he actually didn’t want something serious and just enjoyed hanging out with me. Aw past Lacy, you poor, optimistic sucker.

We hang out for another couple of weeks. Things appear to be better. We are having fun. Then, while on the phone, he hits me with,

“Alright babe, talk to you later, love you.” Click

Um.

I.

…

Can we talk about that one? At all?

We have another hard conversation about friendship, and the fact that we have hung out for literally a total of like 3 weeks which is NOT enough to drop that one on me. I get called a variety of names, accused of “toying with his emotions”, and told that he “doesn’t want to be friends with me, ever.”

Well, after enough of that mess, I finally hit the point where I said, “Man up and just admit that what you’re really saying is that you don’t want to hang out with me unless there is a chance of getting in my pants.”

Cue the immediate backpedal. “No, it isn’t like that.”

Break communication for a week. Finally, I get a text saying that he would be okay with friendship. Actually, the exact words when we talked in person were, “I’ve had a slot open up for friendship.”

A slot? Was your friend inventory full, previously? Are you just now accepting new party members?

Either way, because I’m an idiot who gives too many shots, I agreed to the peace offering.

Fast forward three days to: “Whatever, I know I have no chance with you now. I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your boyfriend.”

HOLY CONVERSATIONAL WHIPLASH, BATMAN!

At least the majority of my friends got a laugh out of the insanity I experienced – gotta find that bright side.

So yeah…this is what awaits me, apparently. Back to my introvert hidey hole I go. Won’t be making the mistake of peeking back out, any time soon. I’m sure there will be another interesting blog whenever I do.